Pro-Am Boxing Revillations

Original can be found here

Located in the heart of the Pakuranga/Howick region, Lloyd Elsmore Park enriched my youth. Whether it was rugby, badminton, swimming, skateboarding, boxing training or simply venturing down to the netball courts on windy days, I seemed to gravitate there unconsciously. So it was almost a no-brainer that I was at the Pakuranga United Rugby Football Club to watch a night of Pro-Am boxing courtesy of Revill’s Boxing Gym as, geographic alliances aside, their cards have always been outstanding.

Headlined by the much anticipated Jake Revill versus Monte Filimaea rematch, this card would boast nine amateur, corporate and professional fights; which included Kylie Revill Bell’s first professional venture, as well as showcasing local talents Braveley Meti-Matau and Ethan Kulatea.

The East Auckland massive was clearly in attendance as I entered to a crowd full of familiar faces. And as if part of some grand cosmic scheme, I couldn’t be more on time.

Young prospect Braveley Meti-Matau turned out another aggressive performance in winning a decision over Joe Williams early in the card. His hand speed, combination punching and ring generalship held firm for the first couple of rounds, whilst Williams’ efforts were game but mostly ineffective – eating four and only throwing out one punch.

A Williams counter got the attention of his opponent early in the third round, but this only seemed to inspire him further. Meti-Matau’s conditioning and constant pressure still had Williams backing up constantly, from where he was forced to land single counters. By the end of the third, the opinion of both the crowd and the judges was unanimous.

In a corporate welterweight bout, Kylie Revill Bell faced off against Keena Payne. The crowd support was huge for Revill Bell, who had evident advantages in size and strength. Payne was a buzz-saw of activity, throwing flurries of punches, but seemed wary after being caught by Revill Bell’s sledgehammer right hands. She managed a nice right hand counter before the end of the opening stanza, but the ferocity of her attacks seemed draining. Styles were contrasting for the remainder of the bout: Payne attacking like a swarm of bees whilst Revill Bell looked for openings for her right.

Payne’s countering was paying dividends during the second round, as she was able to hurt her foe, and was attempting to walk her down. Fortunes changed, courtesy of a Revill Bell right, and Payne’s legs buckled before she was able to use her footwork and dance out of trouble. The fight was competitive down to the end as Revill Bell poured it on during the final 30 seconds, only too aware that the bout could swing either way. Looking at these two blondes, the saying “a draw is like kissing your sister” only gave the patrons hope, as both participants were awarded a majority equal prize.

Boxing, by nature, is a fairly brutal pursuit. However, some combatants fight with such skill that they help to justify calling the sport “the sweet science.” Enter Siona Fernandez, who displayed one of the most polished and well-rounded skill sets I have ever witnessed in a women’s bout. Although under-powered, she exhibited a rare display of footwork, head movement, hand speed, combination punching and countering that was close to mesmerizing.

Her opponent, Marie O’Neill, came forward throwing power punches, but Fernandez was able to dodge most of these with Matrix-like efficiency while boxing cleverly off the back foot. Every time O’Neill was able to land her right hand, Fernandez’s return efforts made her foe seem almost clumsy in her execution. O’Neill came out breathing fire in the final round; however Fernandez was clearly made of something not of this world, as she shook off anything landed and used her all-around class to take a majority decision.

The first time Monte Filimaea took on Jake Revill, it was an overly messy and heated affair. The ferocity of the bout, regardless of the result, and the obvious ill feeling they both had towards each other, only galvanized the collective desire of the audience at the time for another go around. A grudge match would NEED to happen, and all bets were off.

The animosity between both was clearly visible before the bout, regardless of the lighting, and both burned holes in each other with steely gazes. Filimaea has improved in leaps and bounds since coming under a new trainer, and looked to be in great condition, while Revill was every bit the top 10 Cruiserweight that he is rated.

A Revill right hand had Filimaea down early but his mauling style meant Revill couldn’t get the distance he needed. He took this a little far, though, and was docked a point for hitting after the bell. Revill relaxed a little more in the second, and was winning the exchanges and not letting Filimaea close the distance.

After being penalized another point for excessive holding, Filimaea was again down from another right hand. There was no love lost in this bout as Revill fired combinations with murderous intentions. Clearly frustrated, it seemed Filimaea was not bothered by the final bell and was keen to continue – settings be damned. Revill’s dominance was only confirmed by this return bout as he took a wide unanimous decision.

After this second domination by Jake Revill, one must ask “what’s next?” The best answer (after consulting the rankings provided by BoxRec) would seem to be Areta Gilbert; who has been in losing efforts to Shane Chapman and Robbie Berridge, but currently sits higher than Revill in the rankings. If he could get past him then higher profile bouts with Chapman and Berridge would only beckon.

Fight Results

Johnny Gose (Papatoetoe Boxing) beat Jarrah Swann (Whangarei Boxing) by majority decision

Braveley Meti-Matau (Revill’s Boxing Gym) beat Joe Williams (Kaio Boxing) by unanimous decision

Panuve Helu (Lolo’s Boxing) beat Rangi Rokena (Kaio Boxing) when the referee stopped the contest in the first round

The bought between Kylie Revill Bell and Keena Payne ended in a majority draw

Aneel Pillay (Papatoetoe Boxing) beat Joel Smith (Kaio Boxing) by unanimous decision

Ethan Kulatea (Revill’s Boxing Gym) beat Jarrah Swann (Whangarei Boxing) when the referee stopped the contest in the first round

Siona Fernandez (Focus Fit) beat Marie O’Neill (Boxfit) by majority decision

Anthony Helu (Papatoetoe Boxing) beat Dempsey Wilkins (Lolo’s Boxing) by majority decision

Professional

Jake Revill beat Monte Filimaea by unanimous decision

Pacific Boxers out in Force for Tua's Backyard Brawl

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A strong Pacific influence was everywhere to be found at boxing legend David Tua's Backyard Brawl, as the vibrant colours and sounds of the region filled the TelstraClear Pacific Events Centre. The card ahead had a particular Island flavour, and the Usos had clearly come out in force to back not only David Tua, but all the Samoan fighters on display. Floral shirts and lavalava's were the norm and "cha-hoo" echoed enormous as the crowd swelled to over a thousand hungry fight fans.

Almost consciously removed from the magnitude of Tua's homecoming, the undercard provided a steady and entertaining ramp to the main event that featured a high calibre of fighter, including Samoan national champions and a former world titlist.

New Zealand boxing and kickboxing institution, John Conway, took his second step back on the comeback trail with a tough, although unanimous, decision win over human anvil Fale Saialoa. The early rounds were spent with Conway displaying the versatility and nous in his hands as he was able to control most of the exchanges. Saialoa became more aggressive in the third round, a strategy which culminated in the fourth and final round when he was able to floor an off balance Conway with a counter hook.

In certainly the most dramatic fight of the night, Afa Tatupu battered Junior Iakopo until the referee called a halt to the action in the second round. King Afa asserted his strength early, as he was able to drop his foe with the first hard combination he threw. Iakopo wasn't about to take this sitting down (literally and figuratively) as he came back to hurt Tatupu with looping shots. The rest of the opening round played out like a group of kids with fireworks: many explosions and a high chance of someone being seriously hurt. This would prove to be the case in the second, as Tatupu punched in sustained combination while Iakopo threw hard singles. With Tatupu still pressing, and Iakopo not offering any resistance, the man in the middle wisely called a halt to the entertainment.

Samoan Commonwealth Games representative, Leti Leti, made short work of journeyman Paz Viejo. Action was heavy early, with Leti's right hand being the most dominant force. Viejo attempted to rally, but was wobbled by a Leti right. Viejo then attempted to clown off the ropes one time too often and walked straight into an uppercut which stretched him out violently. The referee had no need to count, and the bout was called off in the opening stanza.

In the main undercard bout, former WBA world titlist Masalino Masoe returned to the ring, after an almost two-year absence, to fight Kashif Mumtaz. Despite inactivity and increased age, Masoe's class was immediately evident as he scored a hard knockdown with his first right hand. Mumtaz took heavy fire throughout the first, and was also forced to take a knee before the round finished. As hard as he tried, Masoe was clearly too many levels above Mumtaz, and his head was repeatedly snapped back by right hands and lead hooks. Still, Mumtaz's gameness could not be questioned, until midway through the fourth round when a cracking combination dropped him for the count.

Contact Crispin Anderlini to order images from specific fights onCrispin@NZFighters.com

RESULTS

Heavyweight
John Conway beat Fale Saialoa by unanimous decision

Heavyweight
Afa Tatupu beat Junior Iakopo by TKO in round 2

Super Middleweight
The bout between Pele Faumuina and Gunner Jackson was declared a majority draw

Middleweight
Leti Leti beat Paz Viejo by KO in round 1

Light Heavyweight
Niusila Sieuli beat Warren Fuiava by split decision

Cruiserweight
Vaitele Soi beat Oscar Siale by split decision

Super Middleweight
Maselino Masoe beat Kasif Mumtaz by KO in round 4

TUA-LITY at David Tua's Backyard Boxing Brawl

Original can be found here

The moon is undoubtedly a powerful force. Whether its hitting your eye like a big pizza pie or turning people into werewolves, its by-and-large used as an excuse for polarizing behaviour. Enter David Tua, whose 18-year professional boxing career has seen him fight under two distinct guises: the aggressive power-punching Jekyl, or the lackluster Hyde. As the perigree moon hung enormous in the Manukau sky, one wondered exactly just what David Tua we would see.

Although he would come away with a wide decision win over American journeyman Demetrice King, we would see a mix of personalities as, after ten rounds of actions, all three judges gave South Auckland's favourite son the nod; and Tua his 52nd win in 57 professional boxing contests.

Fighting in his home of South Auckland for the first time as a professional, Tua jabbed and looked for openings, while Demetrice King provided a mostly stationary target and failed to capitalise on his considerable advantage in size. Instead of keeping Tua on the end of a stiff jab, he simply walked into Tua's strike zone with his hands held high. Tua bounced shots off of King all evening, and dished out more hooks than a Def Leppard concert, but seemed unable to hurt his foe who implored Tua to give him more. You got the feeling that, given the openings he was presented, the Tua of old would have been able to close the show on his rugged but limited opponent.

In many respects, it seemed clear that the Tua of old is gone. His much vaunted left hook has failed to dent anyone since 2007, his head movement has degraded and he seems unbalanced when taking punches. Don't get me wrong, there were flashes of these traits, however, they were only flashes. At times he looked driven and hungry, punched in fast combination and seemed intent on trying to make it an early night. Quite paradoxically, his left hand seems to be an old dog that has learned new tricks. Tua often doubled and sometimes tripled up on the jab, which was stiff and King's main deterrent.

Although Tua weighed in at 254 pounds, this seems to be about the right weight. He has looked too drained in his last couple of outings. His improvement in stamina has been evident nonetheless, and the whirlwind of pressure he asserted in the final seconds of the fight was a tactic that could have been employed more often. Offensively, the addition of a hard jab, and the use of more right hands upstairs, show that he is certainly able to adapt and learn as a fighter. When throwing in combination, Tua looked crisp and far less reliant on landing his infamous left hook.

Talks of potential bouts with either Evander Holyfield or a rematch with Monte Barrett will do little to help his cause. There are many fighters ranked in the top 15 by the four major sanctioning bodies who are better strategic choices. A third fight with Hasim Rahman seems the most obvious as he is ranked 15th by the WBC, is a ‘name' opponent who would only add to the money aspect and Tua already owns a stoppage win over the former world champion (as well as a draw). Since their 2004 draw, Rahman has actively called Tua out. Even offering to fight in New Zealand.

If Tua is serious about contending at a high level again, then acceptable efforts against fighters with losing records are not going to get him there. He needs to be impressive. He needs to be explosive. He needs to be David Tua.

Mixed Judgement

Original can be found here

I am instantly impressed with the setup inside the ASB Stadium. ‘Judgement Day' looks remarkably like a ball and, like the balls I encountered in high school, I once again find myself dateless. However, this evening would provide 13 corporate and professional bouts, which is significantly more than my high school ball provided (although I hadn't been power chugging cheap alcohol in the car park tonight). Ahead of me was a regional world title fight, a four man tournament and the return to the ring of New Zealand kickboxing and boxing legend John "The Rebel" Conway. People were slow to file in but the stadium was all but full by the time the card began and the room brimmed with anticipation.

Patrons got to view a great stylistic match up between power-boxer Filipo Fonoti and defensive counterpuncher Atalili Fai. Fonoti came out looking very sharp in the opening round, rocking his opponent with solid right hands. Early in the second round, Fai is dropped to one knee by a Fonoti right hand before he is able to create countering opportunities and capitalize on his opponent's mistakes. Fonoti's muscular frame provide his fists with more than enough gunpowder and, although Fai is able to slip most his punches, those that do land hurt. The intensity hasn't waned in the third round and, every time he seems hurt, Fai manages to move and counter which is keeping Fonoti honest. The bout ends with all three judges giving it to Filipo Fonoti.

After an eight year absence, John "The Rebel" Conway returned to the ring to match his skills against Nuisila Seiuli. Conway comes out superbly confident and his pedigree immediately shows as he is able to land with his nifty hands. Although Seiuli his some sting in his punches, he is unable to worry Conway who is generally a couple of skillsets above. The veteran of 150+ fights in both boxing and kickboxing, is putting on a show for the crowd however you would think that he would be better served focusing his efforts on stopping Seiuli as he is clearly overmatched. The education in his hands and the granite in his chin have Conway winning every round on his way to a decision that was never going to be anything but unanimous.

The four man tournament final pitted dual southpaws Roger Adlam against Ryan Atkins. Adlam boxes clever early but, as he tires, Atkins is able to walk through his punches. The second round sees Atkins able to start open up with his hands and stringing together punches. The final stanza is heavily contested as both gladiators fight fiercely. An Atkins left wobbles Adlam, which is the most definitive punch in the fight, and swings the round in Atkins' favour. Ryan Atkins walks away the winner of the Judgement Day Four Man Tournament with a hard fought majority decision.

In the headlining fight, Serge Yannick defended his interim PABA supper middleweight title against Prince Hamid. Yannick sets the tone early, walking Hamid down, landing hard combinations and cracking his opponent with hard lead hooks. Yannick is winning every exchange from the get go and Hamid seems frustrated. He is not establishing any kind of jab as Yannick is able to close the distance untouched. Hamid's frustration is ever more evident after taking a shot that was slightly south of the border as he complains vigorously to the referee and to his opponent. It is more of the same until the middle of the fourth round as Hamid's anger towards his imminent defeat boils over and he unleashes a knee to Yannick's torso. The referee is merciless and immediately disqualifies Hamid to a chorus of boos from the crowd.

Glozier/Raffaeli and Ring Side promotions fared ok in their latest card. They were seriously hampered by a lot of withdrawals and, due to the mismatches that were a result of this, weren't quite able to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Full credit to both Filipo Finto and Atalili Fai, who provided the most interesting match up of the night. Ryan Atkins seems to thrive in any type of tournament format given his Judgement Day win and success in taking out the Last Man Standing tournament. He is a veritable warrior, like something out of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie, and his style of fighting is always entertaining to watch. Lastly, Serge Yannick looked strong and sharp in able to press all night and force Prince Hamid to disqualify himself. He seemed to simply break Hamid's will and, although the conclusion to the bout was disappointing, his display of skill was impressive.

Contact Stacey Simpkin to order images from specific fights onStacey@NZFighters.com

RESULTS

Denis Suka beat Charley Takanui by knockout in the first round

Jordan Roberts beat David Close by technical knockout in the third round

Barvi Colati beat Danny Ugapo by majority decision

James Anthony beat Tookes Teariki by unanimous decision

Judgement Day Four Man Tournament Preliminary 1
Ryan Atkins beat Ricardo Collado by unanimous decision

Judgement Day Four Man Tournament Preliminary 2
Roger Adlam beat Brendon Lochner by knockout in the first round

Isaac Peach beat Edwin Samy by unanimous decision

Filipo Finot beat Atalili Fai by unanimous decision

Lee Oti beat Fale Saialoa by unanimous decision

John Conway beat Nuisila Seiuli by unanimous decision

Afa Tatapu beat Ronnie Vaasa by knockout in the second round

Judgement Day Four Man Tournament Final
Ryan Atkins beat Roger Adlam by majority decision

PABA Super Middleweight Title Bout

Serge Yannick beat Prince Hamid by disqualification

The Butcher Beats The Meat On The Way To A Happy Ending

Original can be found here

It always felt like this evening meant more to everyone than just a showcase of amateur, corporate and professional boxing talent. With the Christchurch earthquake still tugging at our hearts, this night was a display of unity on the national fight scene. Christchurch would again rise and our nation would solidify and stand as one as the proceeds from the evening would all go to our brother from the south. Even if it would only be enough to buy him a round.

The A.B.A, once again, delivered a top notch card complete with 10 amateur bouts, 2 Corporate fights and professional action featuring maturing Monte Filimaea and top notch Robbie "The Butcher" Berridge. But first off, the amateur's would prove why the New Zealand boxing public NEED to keep them in their periphery.

Young prospect Bravely Matau eked out a disputed majority decision win over the talented Andrew Leuii early in the card. The rangy Leuii looked to use his reach in an attempt to offset Matau's aggression in the first round and landed a thudding lead hook. Matau had more success in the second round as he was able to close the distance on his tiring opponent however Leuii rallied late in the round with his long straight shots. Leuii was back on the offensive in the third, looking very Thomas Hearns-esque and snapping Matau's head back with another lead hook. With Matau backed on the ropes, Leuii flurries which forces to the referee to step in and administer a standing 8 count however his efforts are just not enough in the eyes of the judges.

Caleb Lloyd continued to impress in decisioning friend Mose Auimatagi. Auimatagi comes out hard early but Lloyd is cool under fire and is able to prevent anything of note from landing before connecting with a left hand from his southpaw stance. Lloyd is rocked by a right hand early in the second but again shows great poise in able to dance work his way out of trouble and cause problems with his volume punching, cute combinations and accuracy. Auimatagi is by far the harder puncher but just does not throw in sustain combinations nor is able to pin down the slick Lloyd. He comes out fast at the beginning of the third, landing a couple of powerful punches however Lloyd shows maturity beyond his years and is not discouraged by the leather he is eating. The bout ends with Lloyd's ring generalship being the most dominant factor.

In professional action, Monte Filimaea displayed a greatly improved offence, and looked superbly conditioned, in his stoppage over late replacement James Ouka. After an early ‘feeling out' period Filimaea appears to hurt Ouka with an overhand right. Soon after, a leaping left hook drops Ouka hard on his back. He is able to rise, but hasn't seemed to shake off the cobwebs. At the end of the first round, Filimaea again plants another dynamite left hook on Ouka and lands a right hand as his opponent is falling. Ouka is saved by the bell but cedes defeat between rounds giving Filimaea his first win. This was a great performance by Filimaea, who has been in tough bouts with some of the best fighters in the country (Robbie Berridge, Jake Revill, Shane Chapman). The change in trainers seems to have done wonders as he punched with purpose, showed improved discipline and looked conditioned.

Robbie Berridge showed great poise in earning a wide decision win over human anvil Fale Saialoa. Berridge starts the bout well, landing upstairs and down, hurting Saialoa with a straight left hand then dropping him with a three-punch combination. Saialoa spends much of the bout in the corner, covering and taking more shots than a guy on his stag do. Berridge, known for relishing a dust up, is resisting the urge to trade wildly and spends the mid rounds wearing Saialoa down with landing cracking shots and sharp combinations. Saialoa's chin is one of the best in the business, however, he offers little offensively and seems intent on just surviving. "The Butcher" ups the ante in the sixth and final round, rattling Saialoa before another three-punch combination forces the referee to step in an administer a standing 8 count. Saialoa appears to be just beat up at this point but is still on his feet at the final bell after weathering a sustained barrage. Although he was unable to stop Saialoa, it needs to be noted that it would be difficult with anything less than a sledgehammer. Berridge exhibited composure and discipline in executing his game plan and looked to be only a round or two from turning out the lights (maybe).

There were plenty of other highlights during the night; Ethan Kuletea's threw a left hand that near beheaded Mike Pirini, prompting a collective "ooooohhhh" from the crowd, heavyweight Max Ta'asi's wide powerpunching thrilled and Delter Ingles showed versatility in being tight at a distance and strong on the inside however this night truly belonged to Berridge. "The Butcher" showed he could box as well as brawl, displayed poise against an opponent he couldn't simply overwhelm. If he and Jake Revill both follow on the same trajectory, then a match between them both would set the Kiwi boxing scene alight.

RESULTS

Amateur Bouts

Featherweight
John Francis (CityGym) beat Rangi Rakena (Kaeo Boxing Club) by unanimous decision

Welterweight
Bravely Matau (Revill's Boxing Gym) beat Andrew Leuii (Juiceman's Way) by majority decision

Welterweight
Joel Smith (Kaeo Boxing Club) beat James Walker (Tappy's Boxing Gym) by unanimous decision

Featherweight
Anvil Pillay (Papatoetoe Boxing Club) beat Raetihi May (Whangarei Boxing) by majority decision

Middleweight
Caleb Lloyd (A.B.A) beat Mose Auimatagi (Papatoetoe Boxing Club) by majority decision

Middleweight
Ethan Kulatea (Revill's Boxing Gym) beat Mike Pirini (Kaeo Boxing Club) by unanimous decision

Welterweight
Jonah Sulau (Papatoetoe Boxing Club) beat Johnny Gose (Whangarei Boxing) by majority decision

Super Heavyweight
Dempsey Wilkins (Tappy's Boxing Gym) beat Patrick Mailata (Tappy's Boxing Gym) by majority decision

Heavyweight
Max Ta'asi (A.B.A) beat Nick Luke (Kings Boxing Gym) by majority decision

Heavyweight
Delter Ingles (Revill's Boxing Gym beat Hale Faiumu (Tappy's Boxing Gym) by unanimous decision

Corporate Bouts

Light Middleweight
The bout between Rima Pittman and Junior Birbal ended in a split draw

Heavyweight
Rashaad Isaac beat Scooby Kalolo by majority decision

ProfessionalBouts

Cruiserweight
Monte Filimaea beat James Ouka by TKO when Ouka quit on his stool after the 1st round

Light Heavyweight
Robbie Berridge beat Fale Saialoa by unanimous decision

Come Helensville or High Water

Original can be found here

The first thing I notice as I set foot in the Helensville Thai Boxing Club is that it exudes grit. This is clearly a place where bones are broken, senses scrambled and all bills are paid in blood. Security is tight as I assure them of my press cred

entials;

"I'm totally legit, look at my laminated necklace!"

Quite paradoxically, the atmosphere at the ‘Rumble in the Ville' is one of community and family as children spar in the aisles and waiata are sung freely. The MC for the night seems similarly relaxed in both demeanour and detail. By the time the card starts, the building is packed and people are spilling out through the roller door - which is providing patrons with respite from the muggy Helensville summer's afternoon.

The early portion of the card provides a couple of exhibition bouts before the amateur action begins. Midway through the card, Steve Robertson is able to wear down King Lang with whipping kicks to the thigh and body before the referee steps in to stop the contest in the third and final round.

In a serious throwdown, Helensville Thai Boxing's own Angus Povey weathers some serious leather in his win over Nala Luau. As the fight settles down, Povey is able to control the distance and keep away from the dynamite in Luau's fists, taking a unanimous decision win.

Later in the card, Mikaera Povey (also of Helensville Thai Boxing) displays great movement of head, hands and feet in being able to win the decision over tough Darcy Bowden. Povey's considerable advantage in reach is evident from the outset, as he is able to take potshots from a distance and generally do a great job of boxing off the back foot. The decision is unanimous, to the delight of his brethren.

The showcase bout pits Israel Mobolaji Adesanya against Eds Eramiha for the vacant WKBF Cruiserweight title. Adesanya puts on an entertaining and athletic show from the get go as he opens up with his legs early on. No matter how hard Eramiha comes, Adesanya seems to simply have another weapon or trick in his arsenal. Midway through the fourth round, it seems like Adesanya is intent on trying to stop the durable Eramiha, who has resorted to trying to rough Adesanya up in the clinches. Eramiha has some success with his right hand in the fifth, but Adesanya is both winning the exchanges and putting on a show for the audience with his rare athleticism. The fight ends with Adesanya capturing the WKBF Cruiserweight title with a unanimous decision win.

Full credit is due to the Helensville Thai Boxing crew, whose efforts both showcased and entertained a community. As the night came to a close though, one had to wonder where to next for these people? For the reverberation of this good time would clearly ring well into the evening.

Contact Stacey to order images from specific fights on Stacey@NZFighters.com

RESULTS

Josh Heta (Sa Ming Jai Gym) WON by split decision vs Djreminise Jacob Blade (City Kickboxing)

Cameron Stewart (Samson Gym) WON by split decision vs Dan Russell (HLV Thai Boxing)

Noora Angana (Cambodian Kickboxing) WON by unanimous decision vs Alu Nathan (HLV Thai Boxing)

Steve Robertson (Sa Ming Jai Gym) WON by R3 - TKO vs King Lang (Pathai Gym)

Angus Povey (HLV Thai Boxing) WON by unanimous decision vs Nala Luau (Yohan Thai Boxing)

Tea Bareman (City Kickboxing) WON by unanimous decision vs Sarah Long (South Auckland Lee Gar)

Jake Crane (HLV Thai Boxing) WON by R1 TKO vs George (Pathai Gym)

Hori Harris WON vs Jordan Ming after the referee stopped the fight due to injury in Round 1

Ben Sisam (Strikeforce) WON by R3 - TKO vs Oscar Batucan (Balmoral Lee Gar)

Mikaera Povey (HLV Thai Boxing) WON by unanimous decision vs Darcy Bowden (Roundhouse Gym)

WKBF CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE FIGHT

Israel Mobolaji Adesanya (City Kickboxing) WON by unanimous decision vs Eds Eramiha (Strikeforce)

CraigFails 2.0

I received her phone call around 4:30 that Friday. Although she always exuded poise and grace, to me her voice just oozed sexuality.

“Hey, how about we get a couple of drinks after work?”

Being completely infatuated with her, I was always keen to hang out but could obviously never let her know that, for we had been friends for a while however this friendship was only something born from my fear of revealing my true motive. You know how it is, people only seem to strategically reveal enough that doesn’t give away their whole hand. And although I tend to be more straight up, I knew that straight turning her inside out was part of my destiny.

I manage to convince my colleague, Asif, who is also an acquaintance of hers, to come with. Work strangely finishes early and together with another colleague, Paul, we start to walk downtown. Both Asif and I are grilling Paul about some girl he is trying to p0wn. I must admit, hearing the civilised desires of my contemporaries only make me realise just how clandestine my own should remain.

This conversation then becomes a joke about how badly I’ve been busting my ass with this girl. Nine months of ‘friendship’ isn’t exactly the result I desire, usually most women have been regretting sleeping with me for 8 months by now. In fact, the whole affair has made me feel ineffectual. More like a spectator than a competitor. A snake without venom is just a belt.

I change the tack of the conversation onto something more mundane;

Craig: You guys see that show ‘River Monsters’? It’s crazy how most of the biggest freshwater fish in the world are some variety of catfish

Asif: Yeah! Last week the dude went to India caught this massive fish. A “Goonch” or something..

Paul: I saw that

Asif: Bro…fuck those things are ugly

Craig: What? You mean Indians??

Asif (who is Indian) gives me a knowing glance. He is conscious that I am joking, however unappreciated it may be, and knows full well that, with every burn, the portrait in my attic becomes a little more decrepit. Paul receives a phone call from his slam piece and boards the nearest bus. You can’t really hate on someone for bailing on drinks to get ass. Respect the game.

We meet her and some of her colleagues at the bar, which is unfortunately more club/bar than bar/club and includes vacuous clientele with even more vacuous music. If I ever met a ‘cultured’ woman I would marry her in an instant. But no, although oceans are deep most are too caught up in their reflection on the surface.

Now, I have totally resigned myself to the fact that it will never happen, so I generally now fill the time I spend with her enjoying her company and waxing lyrical. This night is no different and our playful banter is filled with me busting her chops. The goofy laugh, her total lack of co-ordination, the ‘real’ fragments of who is she is that shine through the mask we all put on. Perception and reality seldom reconcile and it’s those little moments that provides each dynamic, be it platonic or romantic, with the greatest intimacy.

I join her and Asif at a table inside where the latter makes another crack regarding my fruitless efforts. She seems strangely offended and I try to diffuse this by reasserting that the joke was at my expense. Suddenly she wants to talk to me and we move outside. Seated, she tells that she is indeed attracted to me and it’s a shame that I will be moving cities (which was the plan at the time) as she would have liked to see where things could go. Flattered, but kinda confused, I express my own attraction to her and echo her sentiments regarding my prospective change in environs.

One of the journeys in life is to find out what you want to do but at the moment all I know is that I want her. God I want her. To me, she totally embodies what Kerouac wrote about the people he wanted and how they must burn, “like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars”. I wish I could be her world. I wish I was one of the reasons that she would smile and light up the room. I wish we would wake up in the morning and she would look at me with half opened eyes and bed hair then roll into my arms for another hour of sleep.

We rejoin the group for another drink, which goes fairly quickly, and she queries me whether I could come with her and drive her car back to her apartment, as she is too drunk, and then we can just walk back to the bar. It all sounds kosher, she is certainly in no state to drive and, hell, you can always bank on Craig. After dropping off some of her colleagues at the casino, we are on the way back to her apartment when she suggests that we “stop and get some alcohol”.

Craig finally clicks.

Feeling a renewed sense of purpose, I dash from the car and get a dozen beers. I definitely have enough ‘bad ass’ to finish another box. At her apartment, I start chewing through the drinks. Just chewin’ ‘em. In fact, I am on a mission to have the drunkest sex (which is always the best kind) I could ever have. For I had dedicated some time to her and the conclusion was not gonna be short lived. I am going to destroy her.

We sit on the couch, all the while I am still throwin’ ‘em back, and she pulls out some book. “Time Magazines Photos of the World” or something. It’s a sloppy pretence for what is ultimately gonna be a sloppy act. She starts thumbing through the pages and commenting on each. A sly smile is spreading across my face, for I know what she is trying to do. You thought you were sneaky, didn’t you girl? I have laid so many of these traps before, I wonder if they all seem so contrived? Regardless….

I am so fucking ready.

The anticipation is rising. After years of whamming, bamming and thank you mamming I had dedicated almost three quarters of a year to someone who I thought unattainable. I know this feeling well, I used to get it popping receivers looking inside too hard after cutting on a post route or hitting someone just after they turned after catching a hook. Now, with football behind me, the only contact I am currently getting is being chaffed by my zipper.

Sensing that she wants to kiss me, I jump the route. Shocks of electricity run through my body, bringing forth life and enough passion to power a small city. She is a lot more forceful than expected which could only mean her own desires have been as strong as my own. All of a sudden the electricity hits me again. No…wait a minute, it’s my phone.

Craig hurried and unneccessarily loudly: HELLO!?!

Andy: Craig, what’s up man? Are you going to be out and about tonight?

Damn…that’s right, I really didn’t expect to be in this position and had made ‘later’ plans. Which is kind of sad really, I was already at the acceptance stage of my own rejection.

Craig: Hey man, can I talk to you tomorrow? I can’t explain right now..

Andy: You don’t need to say anything more

Yes. Understanding - the mark of true friends.

We continue to kiss on the couch, I am quite happy to take this thing as slowly as possible. This was the culmination of almost nine months of work and I want to slowly bath in her passion for as long as time will allow. That and, well, I’m not really too sure on her protocol. For she struck me as having strong morals and therefore this may not go any further on the first night. Her hands unbuttoning my pants tell me otherwise. Dirty bitch! She grabs my hand and leads me to her room.

The train is about to leave the station. It’s destination? Pound Town. Stab City. Craigtropolis.

Her room looks too sanitary for what I am about to do in it. Thankfully, I have a couple of drinks with me. One goes down quickly leaving the cup still half full (I’m an optomist!). Never have I been more mentally prepared for something and I just want to spray it all over her like a tube of toothpaste that has been hit with a hammer. I put my drink next to the bed (for easy access) before stepping towards her and kissing her passionately. I throw her to the bed and position myself in her guard. Passion surging through my body and she attempts to remove my polo shirt. I do and am reminded that I need to:

1. Shave my chest

2. Shave my balls

3. Do more cardio

Both of our clothes then seem to dissipate into the ether. I take a moment to observe her body. Smooth caramel skin gives vibe to luscious curves. Beautiful lips that shape beautiful words. A goddess, she is why cavemen painted on walls. She whispers in my ear;

“I’ve always fantasised about you”

My mind works furiously to isolate what exactly these fantasies would entail;

Me getting stoned and eating a whole pizza?

Being covered in sweat after furious exercise?

Hunched over a computer speculating on the world boxing scene?

This moment of thought allows me the time to demolish my last drink. You should always hydrate before anything strenuous. This final push has now made me a rolling mess and I am thankful that I won’t need all my co-ordination. We go at it and I am giving all I have, all the built up frustration and passion are harnessed and exerted in a universe where time has no bearing. At least that is what my body is telling me as even although hours have fallen off the clock and I'm covered in sweat, I still surge. She suggests that we flip this thing over however, as I lay down, the room starts spinning. She mounts me and begins to go to work but ceases suddenly and looks at me aghast;

“Are you alright? You look like you need to throw up??”

I respond affirmatively and, without time to make it to the bathroom, I am led out to the front porch. As I reach the sliding door I can feel it rising and cover my mouth with my hand in order to keep the vom as discrete as possible. This does little to suppress the flow though and, one step outside the house, the vomit explodes out of my mouth, ricocheting off my hand back on to my face, my naked body, my still erect-ness.

She rinses me off with the water from her water bottle and I am given a minute to collect myself. After showering, I feel a lot better and make my way back to her room. Now, you would think my chances of resuming action were fairly dire no? Defying the odds, Craig goes back to his maximum smoothness.

I awake sometime mid-morning. The room has all the marks of something ugly; condom wrappers, empty bottles, strewn clothes and the reality of what happened hits. We speak and, obviously being fairly embarrassed, I try to make light of the situation. She counters angrily,

“Craig – you had vomit on your PENIS!!”

I Am Legend.